Category Archives: humor

Sexual Reeling

Posted on June 16, 2008 by Gordon

Not long after The Matrix lit up the big screen, I caught a late-night B-movie on Skinemax called The Sexual Matrix. Twenty minutes and five refractory periods later it dawned upon me that one could bring a whole new level … Continue reading →

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Eff Love

Posted on June 16, 2008 by Gordon

This is one of my personal favorite timekillers. Understanding the perverse origins of the term rock ‘n’ roll and also knowing how people are so often afraid to say what they really mean, here’s a little game: simply substitute the … Continue reading →

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Truths, Vol. 5

Posted on June 7, 2008 by Gordon

Another batch of my muttering musings for your transengendered medication. • Your element is a place you should remain far from when expecting creativity. • Having YouTube subscribers does not make you a network programming executive. You’re probably overqualified. • … Continue reading →

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Truths, Vol. 4

Posted on September 25, 2007 by Gordon

No one knows anything, least of all those who claim to. If you’re a guitarist with more than three fingers and use a capo, you’re playing the song in the wrong key. Buying a cool new iPhone won’t make it … Continue reading →

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On-Set Translation

Posted on July 8, 2007 by Gordon

What they say. What they mean. “Picture’s up.”Get out of the frame and shut your pie holes. “Let’s go again; that shot went a little soft.”Because you’re also an exec producer, I’m blaming the focus puller for your wooden acting. … Continue reading →

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Truths, Vol. 3

Posted on March 1, 2007 by Gordon

The quality of a magazine is inversely proportional to the number of ad pages before its table of contents. Perfection is possible, just unlikely. One single sentence can conjure more imagery than a reel of film. Not that sentence, but, … Continue reading →

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Awards Show Etiquette

Posted on January 28, 2007 by Gordon

‘Tis the Season, and since I know all the industry insiders read this blog between meetings and lighting setups in their trailers, for your consideration I present the following tips to make your big night a memorable, gaffe-free one. • … Continue reading →

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Movies I’d Pay to See

Posted on December 7, 2006 by Gordon

In high-concept Hollywood, idea is king. The single-sentence pitch. Here are a few of my aborted attempts at “star vehicles” for celebrities who could use a career-energizing role. Normally I don’t like to just give away my golden tickets for … Continue reading →

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My Television Education

Posted on December 6, 2006 by Gordon

I like to think that all those years spent in front of the idiot box made me a better person. TV is a great way to learn about how the world works. Were it not for television, I would never … Continue reading →

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