Join me on GoodReads

I’ve finally joined this social networking site for book nerds, with a reader profile and a book listing. Come add me as a friend, check out my collection, and/or follow my reviews. It works with Facebook, Twitter, and other social platforms. And if you’ve read Major Inversions, please give it a star rating, a short review, or simply add it to your “to-read shelf” until later.

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Major Inversions now available!

My first novel, Major Inversions, is now available for online ordering through Amazon and CreateSpace in paperback, as well as a Kindle edition. FYI, though the cover price is the same, CreateSpace pays me a much higher royalty, so help support your independent author! Since it’s listed with most of the largest book distributors, it’s also available through most e-tailers, plus you should now be able to walk into nearly any bookstore and custom-order it, though you may have to pay up front.

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Your roommate says you should date more, that all those spandex nights on stage paying tribute to hair metal and banging faceless groupies only amplify your Jekyll/Hyde syndrome. That this quicksand town of floozies, fiends, and filmmakers will survive without your commercial jingles. And your narcotics. That you should turn in your daytime security-guard badge and settle down.

He’s got the perfect girl, a cinnamon-scented innocent who will bring that elusive substance to your life despite the familial forces that conspire against your union.

Always lurking in the periphery, the roommate remains buried in his Master’s thesis, the parasitic puppeteer behind your reinvention, the search for your birth parents, and your all-too-brief film scoring career. A supporting cast of lecherous directors, deluded bandmates, federal agents, and nostalgic exes enable and obstruct your path to closure and ironic revenge as you wash the blood from your hands to complete the story yourself.
______________________________

Yes, this is self-published. No, it’s not through a “vanity press.” Of course that doesn’t make it any less vain or narcissistic to think one’s work is worthy of readership. It’s indeed true that I first ran this book through the publishing machinery for two years in the hopes of securing an agent and/or reputable publishing house to distribute and market it. Every writer wants that external validation that comes with a publisher saying he’s “good enough” to join their stable. I’ve never lacked for that confidence, nor been rebuked on merit, it was just never the right fit or the right time.

We all know the economy’s in the shitter. The publishing biz is far from immune, especially with the increasing focus on tentpole/franchises and celebrity nonfiction. I have nothing against publishers – I appreciate their role as stoic gatekeepers of quality control (and I’ll be jumping through their traditional hoops once again when my next book, Flashover, births) – but they must embrace new media to remain relevant, and find a way to turn profit in today’s market by featuring more voices each earning a smaller audience share.

Believe me, I get it: as a video professional, I’m often annoyed with YouTube culture’s amateur influence on broadcasting, just as I don’t care for much electronic music. But content is king. A great song is a great song, whether it was tracked at Abbey Road or my bathroom. So goes it with storytelling. For the purposes of this twisted little metafictional tale I’m labeling a “revisionist character study,” it was more important to me that the book be available to the public while the story’s still relevant than it was to feel the warm embrace of industry love.

So think of me as the unsigned band hawking discs out of his trunk. Maybe I’ll sign with a major label someday, but for now you get the raw1, snarling2, punk3 energy of those early years. And you’ll always be able to say with nostalgia that you knew me back when. So tell a friend, please, and happy reading.

1 eh, it’s actually pretty polished, I think
2 let’s say
cynical and irreverent instead
3 more like hair-metal

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Featurette at IMDB

Sure, it’s nearly four years old now, but due to the modest success of my short film, Featurette, I’ve finally been invited into the online pantheon of . . . official existence, with an IMDb entry. Better yet, you can now watch the entire thing at pretty high quality right there as well. Congrats to the cast and crew on their own entries, too. So kick back and have a few cinematic laughs for nostalgia’s sake.

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Trite Tropes

Cinema is a language with its own conventions. The audience must be familiar with certain patterns, even unconsciously, for the transfer of visuals to register properly. Establishing a scene with a wide shot to get our bearings, not crossing the 180-degree axis, keeping the flow of action moving in a single screen direction – folks become disoriented when these conventions are broken. However, a number of story-specific shots have become part of our shared language as well, and, effective as they may be, I could happily go the rest of my life without ever seeing any of the following tired compositions on screen again.

• the toilet-cam point of view as an interrogated face is dunked into it

• establishing a crime scene by tracking the unspooling of yellow police tape

• cutting to the defendant flinching as the judge’s gavel cracks. See also: flinching mourners at a 21-gun salute

• bolting upright into camera after coming out of a nightmare

• a train approaching and passing over the camera for no apparent reason

• the final-second resignation on a bad-guy’s face just before a bomb blows him to pieces

• closing a dead compatriot’s eyes with a hand

• the awkward elevator ride with cheesy muzak as a moment of comic relief during an action sequence

• full-screen “access granted” computer terminal graphics

• the (unrealistic) black matte for binoculars point of view. See also: in softcore, the voyeur watching through their video camera will somehow see a scene assembled from coverage of wide, medium, and close shots.

• pan to the fireplace and defocus as the stars make love on the bed. Ironically, this can be called “going soft.”

• macro-focusing to the barrel of a gun pointed at camera

• sliding someone down the length of a bar in a fight, taking out all manners of glassware in their path

• refrigerator point of view as someone rummages through it. See also: medicine cabinets. Guess I just hate POV shots in general unless they represent a person.

• a room whose light level remains nearly the same once the lights are turned out. Now it’s just blue.

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Reel Time

Time for a new gig. Like everybody else. Been thinking about going freelance (shooter mostly, maybe cutter). Never needed to make a demo reel before. Any ideas on what to include?

Only your best work. Quality is far more important than length; it’s not a career retrospective. If there’s a type of project you’re not interested in taking on anymore, remove those examples no matter how good they look, because invariably those will be the calls you’ll get. If your work includes celebrities or familiar campaigns, feature them up front, even at the expense of better material. Name recognition raises eyebrows and implies professionalism. And as you know, some unique POVs or exotic locales can supercede image quality as well. While too many people focus on proving they’re a jack-of-all-trades (at the expense of impact), if you’re looking for a full-time gig, highlighting your diversity can be an asset.

Be clear about the role you performed in a shot or sequence. Don’t let us assume you were the DP if you pulled focus. Don’t feature CGI if you’re a Steadicam op. I once received a reel full of dazzling ESPN graphics, only to learn the applicant was a producer who made the phone calls that got the work done. Why she even had a reel I’ll never understand. Depending on the jobs you’re going after, you might create multiple cuts to narrow the viewer’s focus, especially if you’re a freelancer: editing, sound design, cinematography, viz fx, etc. Or even by market if you’re that guy: commercial, retail, corporate, docco, etc. But only if you’ve got the goods; don’t stretch yourself too thin.

Oh, and don’t steal your music. Drop a little money on some royalty-free cuts or find a friend who could use the exposure. Setting the right tone without distraction is important.

As for how to get them seen, you’re on your own. YouTube will probably degrade the image too much. There are some dedicated hosting services (that’ll place yours right alongside your competitors, for better or worse), but I’m not really in the loop on those at the moment.

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RED With Envy

A former professor sent me an email recently about a movie shoot, and mentioned that they would be using a “Red Camera.” What is this new camera, and what are your thoughts on it? Is it a good product, is it expensive, and/or worth the cost?

RED. The short answer is that it’s a brand name for a completely modular digital camera system that combines still-camera resolution with the fast frame rates of film. You buy a “brain” plus any other components you want, all of which are compatible: power, storage, monitoring, I/O jacks, lenses, etc. No tapes; it records on your choice of a RAID, flash drive, or CF cards. The idea is that when your needs change, you only have to buy a new brain. These rely on a line of sensors they call Mysterium. This determines what size image it can resolve, which starts at 3K (3000 pixels wide), and the largest sensor available next year will do 28K.

For some perspective, a 2K image is around HD quality, and is what most 35mm feature films are scanned at for color correction (a “digital intermediate” or “DI” you may hear it called) and/or home video. Effects shots are often scanned at 4K to preserve fine details. IMAX is around 9K. Doing the math, you’ll see that a 28K image is over 100 times the size of a frame of HD. Today’s high-end SLR still cameras max out around 20 megapixels. RED offers the equivalent of 261 megapixels. In other words, pants-shittingly ginormous.

At the moment, few media outlets can benefit from these sizes, but consider the sharpness you achieve when scaling such images down. Last year I received a ton of RED footage from an agency to edit into one of my projects, and was initially only mildly impressed, until I understood that the 720×405 clips had been scaled to around 1/30 the size of their originals! The image was noiseless and very transparent.

Speed is also important, and the larger the frame, the fewer of them per second it can resolve. The 28K model will be capable of just 30 fps, but many of the smaller resolutions can do up to 250 fps, for very sharp slo-mo. Or just 1 fps if you want to undercrank. Another major selling point is that most of them are directly compatible with cine lenses or 35mm still lenses, for that sexy shallow depth-of-field you can’t get on video without a clumsy adapter system (like I use).

The biggest advantage to using something like RED is it eliminates several steps in a typical workflow. There’s no scanning, no digitizing or capture; it’s immediately available. The same footage shot on set can be used for the poster in the lobby. Stills or motion with one-stop shopping. Plus, the cameras are small. Whether it’s RED or a competitor, such technology is certainly the future of both cinema and commercial imaging. When you consider what they do, the brains are a great value, but the components and accesories are ungodly expensive. Still, for pro filmmakers, an easy call.

Jim Jannard, RED’s founder, sold Oakley (his sunglasses company) to pursue this, and he often posts on the DVX User forums personally. Though their RED One camera has been available for some time, they’re a startup, and their reputation has at times been one of potential vaporware since they haven’t released any of their big guns yet, and many of the product shots are renderings at this point.

Official site

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Meth Lab for Flutie

Shamelessly pilfered from a variety of sources, here’s another collection of fake band names that made me giggle like a seventh grader. Some of these will turn up on MySpace profiles soon enough. I’d warn you about the offensive content, but I’m sure you’re desensitized by now.

Van Buren
Steamland Cleaver
Egregious Philbin
BarbraStreiszende Neubauten
Broughammer
Afraid of Canadians
The Mars Travolta
The Dixie Chicks With Dicks
Sweaty Jeeves
The Honeymoon Stitches
Crucifiction
Steely Flan
Harry and the Andersons
Tienanmen Squaredance
Assassinine
Lithp
Citronella Holocaust
ASCII/DC
Autistic License
Banjovi
Preparation Heche
Nutbutter
See Thomas Howl
The Jodie Sweetining
Our Band Name is a Complete Sentence.
Fillet Show
Joe Buck Yourself
Fudge Duckling
Goodcop, Buttercup
Testiclops
Bruised Cockles
The Beef Wellingtones
The Ump-Teens
Chuck Chuck Bo-Buck and the Banana-Fanna Four
The Illegitimate Resentments
Purgatori Spelling
Squirrel Practice
Snot Faucet
The Soggy Tacos

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Promo Copy Cats

Cutting through network promotions clichéd hyperbole. What they say. What they mean.

The show everyone’s talking about.
Everyone being those in our programming department whose jobs are on the line. It’s been a ratings disappointment despite the buzz cash we poured into ads and promotion.

See the show critics are calling “X.”
We doomed it with a bad time slot. Also, I told you, not everything we produce is reality-based.

The surprise hit of the season.
We underestimated audience tastes and only ordered eight episodes.

Presented with limited commercial interruptions by X.
All your favorite characters will be wearing X, driving X, and eating X. Thank your DVR for forcing us to remote-proof our shows.

Catch X at its new time.
The show got its ass kicked by the competition, so now it’s going slumming.

. . . with an ending you have to see to believe.
Horatio will remove his sunglasses and deliver a wry quip before a “to be continued” graphic blueballs you.

Promotional consideration provided by X.
It was very considerate of them to pay us or shower us with free schwag.

The television event of the year.
We’re betting the farm that you can be peer-pressured into watching.

Don’t miss an unforgettable X.
Wrangle the wife, because we’re about to inject some uncharacteristic sentiment.

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Truths, Vol. 6

Another installment of original musings:

• Borrowed time and stolen moments are those of which we take the most ownership.

• Dan Brown’s cure for writer’s block is to hang upside down. However, there is no known cure for ingesting his actual writing.

• Speeding up the music in a Cialis commercial creates a porn soundtrack. Porn in which man and woman bathe in separate tubs. Outdoors. What we can’t see is that his is filled with nearly four hours’ worth of ice.

• If Jesus ever does return, no one would even give him a book deal. He’d have better luck resurrecting as Heath Ledger.

• Chinese Democracy will achieve a better global reception than America’s version has.

• Most cameras tell the truth. Context is the lie. Editors distort and manipulate truth for a living.

• Drummers may not have as much sex as singers, yet their rates of venereal disease remain equal.

• Sometimes a loose G-string actually results in a high pitch.

• Reading without suspicion is more dangerous than blogging without authority.

• Judging a band’s quality by their MySpace playlist is like holding a wine-tasting in the restroom.

• Photoshop dermatology is far more effective than the real thing. And less painful than gastric bypass surgery.

• No one ever really wants to hear a bass solo except for other bass players. And even they’ll deny it.

• Art needn’t be appreciated to meet its definition.

• Twenty-four frames per second, 24 hours in a day. Coincidence? Yes.

• No one ever blamed a verbal gaffe on a microphone malfunction.

• Most writers are to social skills what greeting cards are to the illiterate.

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