Truths, Vol. 6

Another installment of original musings:

• Borrowed time and stolen moments are those of which we take the most ownership.

• Dan Brown’s cure for writer’s block is to hang upside down. However, there is no known cure for ingesting his actual writing.

• Speeding up the music in a Cialis commercial creates a porn soundtrack. Porn in which man and woman bathe in separate tubs. Outdoors. What we can’t see is that his is filled with nearly four hours’ worth of ice.

• If Jesus ever does return, no one would even give him a book deal. He’d have better luck resurrecting as Heath Ledger.

• Chinese Democracy will achieve a better global reception than America’s version has.

• Most cameras tell the truth. Context is the lie. Editors distort and manipulate truth for a living.

• Drummers may not have as much sex as singers, yet their rates of venereal disease remain equal.

• Sometimes a loose G-string actually results in a high pitch.

• Reading without suspicion is more dangerous than blogging without authority.

• Judging a band’s quality by their MySpace playlist is like holding a wine-tasting in the restroom.

• Photoshop dermatology is far more effective than the real thing. And less painful than gastric bypass surgery.

• No one ever really wants to hear a bass solo except for other bass players. And even they’ll deny it.

• Art needn’t be appreciated to meet its definition.

• Twenty-four frames per second, 24 hours in a day. Coincidence? Yes.

• No one ever blamed a verbal gaffe on a microphone malfunction.

• Most writers are to social skills what greeting cards are to the illiterate.

About Gordon

Gordon Highland is the author of the novels Flashover and Major Inversions, with short stories in such publications as Word Riot, Black Heart, Noir at the Bar Vol. 2, and Warmed and Bound, among others. He lives in the Kansas City area, where he makes videos by day and music by night.
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