Another installment of original musings:
• Borrowed time and stolen moments are those of which we take the most ownership.
• Dan Brown’s cure for writer’s block is to hang upside down. However, there is no known cure for ingesting his actual writing.
• Speeding up the music in a Cialis commercial creates a porn soundtrack. Porn in which man and woman bathe in separate tubs. Outdoors. What we can’t see is that his is filled with nearly four hours’ worth of ice.
• If Jesus ever does return, no one would even give him a book deal. He’d have better luck resurrecting as Heath Ledger.
• Chinese Democracy will achieve a better global reception than America’s version has.
• Most cameras tell the truth. Context is the lie. Editors distort and manipulate truth for a living.
• Drummers may not have as much sex as singers, yet their rates of venereal disease remain equal.
• Sometimes a loose G-string actually results in a high pitch.
• Reading without suspicion is more dangerous than blogging without authority.
• Judging a band’s quality by their MySpace playlist is like holding a wine-tasting in the restroom.
• Photoshop dermatology is far more effective than the real thing. And less painful than gastric bypass surgery.
• No one ever really wants to hear a bass solo except for other bass players. And even they’ll deny it.
• Art needn’t be appreciated to meet its definition.
• Twenty-four frames per second, 24 hours in a day. Coincidence? Yes.
• No one ever blamed a verbal gaffe on a microphone malfunction.
• Most writers are to social skills what greeting cards are to the illiterate.
