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Sunday Drive

Oct 08 2006 Posted by in entertainment, humor | Comments Off on Sunday Drive

Another Sunday, another NFL post. Damn, I love this game. As an ex-broadcaster, though, there are lots of little annoyances that just eat at me all afternoon as I slip further into my weekly couch-assisted coma:

• Analysts who hold a football while giving their field report, just in case I forget what sport they’re covering or that they used to play quarterback

• The delay between the superior local radio play-by-play (superior if you’re a fan, anyway), and the digital TV signal

• The predictable cut to the coach’s face at every penalty or controversial call

• Long TV timeouts after a kick return. Momentum-killer.

• Unchecked fans on camera prominently displaying the F-word on their shirt, chugging beers, or chanting “bullshit!,” yet outcry over the sight of a disfigured diva nipple

• Above-the-title teases, like “Player X and his Team Y take on Team Z”

• Neglected sideline reporters

• Press conference reporters who pre-load their soundbyte instead of asking an open-ended question:
Q: “That fumble in the third quarter really put the team in a hole that they never dug out of.”
A: “Mm hm. Any questions?”

Hey, it’s no cake job. I remember my own weekly on-air coach interviews during a near-winless season. They usually began like this:

Me: [sigh] “So . . . what went wrong this week?
Coach: [annoyed stare edited out] “Well, we just didn’t execute in all phases of the game.”
Me: “At this point, do you think it’s a question of talent?”
Coach: [shakes prescription tablets into his hand]

I also frequently had to talk about a coach who’s name was the phonetic equivalent of Mike Literas (say it out loud), and no, I’m not kidding. A great exercise in keeping a straight face.

The good news is it’s only one day until Monday Night.