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Naked Celebs

Oct 07 2006 Posted by in entertainment, humor | 3 comments

That oughta get the Google spiders working, eh? I love passionate films where actors lose themselves in roles, completely selling us on their physical or emotional transformation.

Recently, an actress friend was asking about being in my next short film, and she made a deliberate point that nudity would not be a problem in the right situation. I never even asked. But you’d better believe that now I’ll be custom-tailoring a part for her when that time comes. All I can figure is that she wanted to get some of that material on her CV while she’s still young and hot.

Actors, you may have convinced yourself it’s in service to the character and that it’s tasteful. I won’t argue with either, and I hate to spoil the illusion, but I have to let you in on a secret: as soon as your “character” bares her skin, no matter how convincing your performance, I go directly from sympathizing with the victim to, “Hey, them’s Katie Holmes’s tits! Cool!” In that moment, you are no longer Jessica King, southern belle in peril, you are a famous actress and her naughty parts filling the spank banks of millions. Every time.

Hedwig, Boys Don’t Cry, and The Crying Game are about the only exceptions I can think of, and it’s because a) their stars weren’t that famous, and b) their bodies were essential to the plot. These days, we practically expect Naomi Watts and Angelina Jolie will be exposed in each of their films, whether it’s motivated or not. Conversely, I wish Kevin Bacon could keep it in his pants for at least a few movies.

And if someone could pass Scarlett Johannsen my number, I’d appreciate it. It’s just a small role, no real dialogue, but the character really puts herself out there.

  1. pattonjr510-07-06

    naomi watts has only been topless in 3 films–2 of her most famous mulholland dr & 21grams–out of more than 40 films. hence, she has probably been naked in fewer films than other actresses of her caliber & age (compare w/her friend nicole kidman). both films were only a few seconds each. there were flashes in 2 other films, which came before mulholland dr. since mulholland dr–the ring, le divorce, undertaking betty, we don’t live here anymore, assassination of richard nixon, i heart huckabees, stay, ring2, & king kong–NO NUDITY.

    i have no idea about jolie, but you don’t know what you are talking about w/naomi watts. (she was topless in one of her first films–never bottomless.)

  2. G10-07-06

    Eh, you’re right, Naomi’s not the best example, just one of the first people I thought of. Can’t believe I didn’t pick on Chloe Sevigny or Bijou Phillips. . .

    But the point remains that unfortunately it’s the celeb who becomes naked on the screen, not her character. Some moviegoers may deny that, or maybe they’re just more mature than I. I’m not calling the actors’ judgment or morality into question, just that they’re deluded sometimes. I’m sure I’ll be getting to other actorly psychoses on here soon enough!

  3. pattonjr510-08-06

    the fact is that naomi said the only time she disagreed with her favorite directors lynch & inarritu was over the love scenes. in md it was the masturbation scene rather than the ones w/laura harring. she was afraid people would only remember that one. lynch assured her the scene most people would remember (except frat boy types) was the audition scene. & she realizes lynch was right. she has said that basically when she signs up for a film she has to trust the director most of all or she would not sign the contract. & she thinks no nudity clauses some actresses demand (for awhile) are
    examples of an arrogant actress who thinks she knows more about what should be in the film than the director does. meryl streep & jodie foster have done nude scenes. are they deluded?

    interestingly enough, when naomi did mulholland dr, many people thought betty & diane were two different characters. a chameleon like watts (not to mention streep or foster, or actors like philip seymour hoffman or robt deniro) can get away w/it better than actresses who do not become their characters.