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Strong Like Bull

Sep 25 2006 Posted by in entertainment, humor | Comments Off on Strong Like Bull

We gotta understand a few things about these boner-pill ads.

First, the disclaimer.

Erections lasting more than four hours may require medical attention.

This is less a warning than marketing. “Wha– huh? You mean I might be able to go four hours? Cancel my afternoon appointments, Jeannie, and unpack all those gels from my carry-on.” Sure, priaprism is no laughing matter, but I bet your average bloke is willing to roll the dice just this once, even if unafflicted. If it were a true disclaimer, you’d hear it rattled off at coke-binge speed like the end of those car commercials that promise unbelievable financing.

Second, the subtle background music. Speed it up about 300% and you’ve got a bona-fide ten-second porno soundtrack with clavinet and lecherous wah-wah.

Third, the images. Footballs going through tires. Standing in awe at the Washington Monument. A glistening sword unsheathing from its scabbard. Mt. Vesuvius erupting. Okay, so I made those last few up. All portrayed by thirtysomething men in peak physical condition (with hot wives). Just like tobacco, they’re skewing the demographics a bit young.

Although they’re actually saying E.D. (as in Erectile Dysfunction), they always seem to precede it with a word ending in a V sound, like, “If you have E.D. . . .” (say it out loud). Surely this is not just an unfortunate oversight.

If I’m not back in four hours, forget the doctor, call Guiness.